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Lord From Sorrows Deep I Call (Psalm 42)
Matt Boswell, Matt Papa
January 12, 2024
Two weeks into 2024 and what I have is severe pain from a major tooth extraction and an unwell body. I have been on sick leave for three days now and I feel like I have been wasting a lot of time. This isn't how I pictured my year to start. I already had my schedule, though still to be finalized, arranged to have a productive month and to keep track of all my responsibilities.
Apparently, throughout all the planning, I forgot that it is not I who has the absolute authority over the matters in my life - not even my own body. It was frustrating at first to not be able to accomplish tasks that I have set a deadline for myself but forcing my mind to be on a work mode makes me even more dizzy. I ended up sleeping the majority of the day just so I could not feel the pain (waw hugot).
The last time I got sick this long I remember saying how much it made me appreciate the days that the Lord has given me good health. I wish I could say the same now but the truth is, all I can think about is when will this be over. I can't wait to be able to stretch and exercise, to eat as much as I want, and to start ticking off my checklist. For now, though, I am praying that this impatient heart of mine will learn to find contentment in this pause that the Lord has provided, to be thankful that I have a comfortable space to rest, considerate roommates, helpful siblings (+ parents who check on me). Sige, I am thankful nalang pud for the free music I get to hear from the food park nearby which just opened recently kay it somehow gave me a snippet of the life outside. Haha
I'm still hopeful about how the rest of the month will unfold but even if they turn out to be completely different from what I desire again, may I trust in the Lord’s infinite wisdom and faithful character. After all, His plans are for His glory and my good.
See you around, friends! Stay healthy huhu
_
february
FEBRUARY 9, 2024
4:42 AM
It is Friday and a holiday. Slept around 8 PM last night so I guess this is why I am up this early. I am currently on my table, eating the leftover carbonara from PAW, and my sister is on hers reading the Bible. The other one is downstairs already doing her review. This week has been physically tiring - I had my first work travel this year, and meetings and classes are back on their regular timeslot. Haha It is in these times that I long for a quiet time to process all that's happened, and I am glad that I have this moment now to write just whatever.
My Monday looked different than my usual - I went to Ormoc early in the morning and traveled home by the afternoon just in time to catch dinner with the church. I was able to witness the sunrise and sunset while on a ferry. I used to have a lot of potential stories and dialogues and imagined scenes in my head when watching such a majestic view, but, at that moment, I was just purely admiring the ordinariness of it while being in awe that the sun knows exactly when to rise and set every single day. With all the cares I carried all throughout the trip, it was comforting to remember that even with the sun's grand display of beauty and power, it is being held by a Greater One Who calls me His child. Unbelievable.
This sentimental moment led me to remember all the failings I had from the start of my day and I find it even more unbelievable to be known from the inside out and be loved far more deeply than anyone could - to see my unspoken wicked thoughts and dishonorable desires but look at me with mercy and warmth. Unbelievable.
This week has been draining, but I've seen the Lord's sustaining grace in my limitations and imperfections refreshing me through the most mundane of things: the sight of the sun, a meal prepared by my sister, an honest conversation with a churchmate, and His Word being preached faithfully. What a week but oh what God I have. :)
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Psalm 150 (Praise the Lord)
Matt Boswell, Matt Papa
~ here the world is a little less demanding
here the time is a little more slow
wish I had loved it when I had it
why was I rushing to grow old
now the world wants all my time
and the time never wants to slow down
I hope to love what I have now
there's no going back when I get old ~
march
march 2, 2024
I can't believe it's already been a week since we picked up Pastor Mark with his intern, Jordan (who has also been a new addition to the family) at the airport. We were internally sobbing from the moment we saw him haha It felt like being reunited with a family member living abroad. While we miss Ate Paige and the boys so muchhhhh, Pastor Mark's presence was enough to give us joy.
Ohh to hear him teach again. It brings me back to when we were spending our weeknights for reading and equipping - how we genuinely enjoyed growing in the Word and learning new things together. It was Ptr. Mark's teaching of Genesis-Exodus during Sunday school that led me to love learning the Old Testament. I wasnt appreciative of it back then, but he taught it like it was his favorite story book and somehow ignited me to want to view the Word of God like he does.
I also remembered the days Ate Paige would lead us in Bible studies, and we'll eat her homecooked tacos or chicken curry right after. We did that every week. I only have encountered very few godly women while growing, and I count it as the Lord's grace to see Ate Paige as a wife and a mother to her family.
The Sherids have truly been a blessing to the church and to me personally. They are not perfect, but how the Lord shaped their family has been impactful to me. With how they do things at home, I have grown to love simplicity and appreciate discipline. I pray to someday grow old with the same warmth and wisdom and to live out the gospel in whatever roles the Lord would allow me to have in the future.
Grabe, this was just supposed to be a journal to document the last week but I ended up having so many reminiscing and reflections. 😅 Anyhowww, it's the first day of March!!! Praying for balance of productivity and rest this month.
_
Old Rugged Cross
Hymn
weekend in
Manila
slow
intentional
quiet
undistracted
APRIL
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30
April 4, 2024
April, the cruelest month according to TS Eliot. Haha! I was tempted to agree since this month has always been a bully to me, but last year wasn't all bad so I guess, it isn't the cruelest month after all.
I took a break from the online world during the holy week, as I always plan each year. I spent the days mostly at home catching up with the books I looked forward to reading, writing ka-echosans and short stories (that I may or may not publish), and rewatching my comfort films / exploring new ones. Mama and Papa took turns cooking the best sabaw every meal. It felt like a summer vacation in school when my sisters and I were at home for the break. Adulting paused for a while, and there was no feeling of rush in my routine.
The pacing of my week made me remember a conversation with someone earlier this year about slow living. Back then, my brain wasn't brain-ing much, and I don't know why but I had a hard time picturing that concept in my context. It seemed too vague and idealistic but while I was struggling to put into words why, he further explained how it may look different to every person. Somehow, it became simpler. I was lowkey very thankful for how he generously gave his insights.
Speaking of slow living, my plan for the month, by the Lord's strength, is to continue taking time off or at least minimize my social media usage. The break at home has been the slowest and most restful time for me since the start of the year, and I have noticed how I have much more time and attention for the activities I have put on delay - a workout routine, my thesis (!!!), and other secret stuff of a secret agent, charoot haha
I still don't know what the coming weeks will bring, but that's the plan for now. I maybe will be tambay-ing here more often and share ✨cUt3 thIngz ✨ for memory's sake (kay di man ko ka myday lol)
See ü around, frieeeend. Amping!
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Mongchii & Tsytsy! :) Met in ‘08 during a storytelling/drama contest representing different schools. A year later, went to the same high school & the rest is history! Haha <3
beach day
PAW Snack last Wed, the besttt everrr by Mumshie Judex
Have you ever encountered a song that makes you wish you had someone to dedicate it to? Like your heart flutters listening to it tho you don't have anyone in mind? Had it many times so Im just saving them for future use haha
Beach day with the church after the association meeting
Association Meeting Squad
4-13
Cried like crazy over ep. 11 of QOT T_T I was sure my eyes would get all puffy at church the next day, but the scenes made it all worth it. Hayyy superb writing and stitching of sequences made a coherent, cinematic masterpiece.
Been looking forward to the weekend for this show and I am sad that we are down to the last four episodes. T_T
Study out with Neyney & Bb Ang
📍Abaca Baking Company
Church day! We had visitors from Luzon :)
random towts:
- I miss editing on a laptop. Im scared I won't be able to know how to use premiere anymore. kakasad.
- Curious about TTPD which has 31 tracks!?!
- My sister is graduating soon. :) No more tuition fees to pay!!! Haha Looking forward to the next quarters of this year and tick off some things on my list -- see Mayon and more! :D
4-21
~ finally was able to edit a QOT intro-inspired reel :D been looking forward to getting some shots and Sunday is the perfect day to have those with the church as the subjects. I only realized it last year but editing is such a unique stress reliever to me. Anywyay, here’s the very short reel from yesterday. hihi
Love was a lighthouse guiding the way
We were two boats on the ocean
Following shadows that led us astray
Case of mistaken emotion ~
Back to waking up at 5 AM daily. So far, we are failing 😆
motto is "do better tomorrow" haha
post-service with the choorch
with angkol ian 😆
Dinner & Movie marathon at the Torrefiels’ <3
Thankful for Kuya Sky & Ate Mishmish for cooking for us.
fav spot
Dinner with batch9 for Tatine’s bday :)
We sang Jesus, Your Mercy at church today. Overwhelmed by my messy head and by so many fears lately that I sometimes forget the Lord’s mercy is all I need. It is my rest and my joy.
Kuya Kai also preached about humility. One of the things that struck me during the application was when he talked about reconciling quickly with our loved ones. Oh how much effort we would be giving if we would've known how short of a time we have with them.
And it kinda connected to what I watched the other night when the dying character started apologizing to her family, and her husband, and reconciling with them. She finally said the things she would've kept to herself.
It makes me see pride from a more resenting perspective even though ironically it is what I struggle with the most. Still, I praise God for His ever-transforming Word that continues to break all the walls of self-centeredness. It hurts when our view of self is being shattered but it would be a self-destructing route to continue clinging to a sin that promises only suffering and separation from the Lord. Hay.
with Ptr. Kevin & Ate Tricia :)
At may pasalubong na book!!! <3